Hotwife, bull, cuckold, unicorn: glossary explained

The vocabulary of the scene can feel like a language of its own: hotwife, bull, cuckold, unicorn, soft swap, full swap, open, poly... These words show up on profiles, in forums and in club conversation, and it is easy to feel lost or, worse, to assume something that means something else to the other person. This glossary explains the most searched terms in plain language, without sensationalism and with the necessary caveats. One warning up front: these are not scientific definitions, they are vocabulary in use, and meanings change by couple, country and venue. When in doubt, ask: it is the most respectful and the most useful thing to do.

How to use this glossary

Terms are grouped by theme. At the end of each there is a link to a fuller BarSwinger guide. One common principle: every dynamic described here is legitimate only with full, informed, free and revocable consent from everyone involved. Without that, it is not a lifestyle: it is something else.

General terms

Lifestyle (the lifestyle). A generic term for the scene of couples and people who, by mutual agreement, have social or intimate relationships with others. Used in English and, borrowed, in Spanish.

Swinger. A couple (or person) who takes part in the scene. According to a review in the Journal of Sex Research (2015), swinging is when a couple has sex with members of another couple, and it is distinguished from open relationships and polyamory. See what sets swinger, open relationship and polyamory apart.

The scene. The community and venues in which the lifestyle moves.

Libertine. A term used in France and other countries for the scene (libertinage). There are variations by country: glossary by country.

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM). An academic umbrella term for relationships in which everyone explicitly agrees that each person may have relationships with others. Its key feature is consent, which separates it from infidelity.

Vanilla. In slang, someone who is not in the scene, or a conventional relationship style. It is not an insult; it is used neutrally.

Swapping modes

Soft swap. Intimacy and play with another couple without full sexual relations with other people. Each couple sets the exact limits.

Full swap. Full intimacy with other people, as agreed.

Same room / separate rooms. Whether the couple stays together during the encounter or not.

Closed / open swap. Whether you share only with one specific couple or with different people.

More in soft swap vs full swap: differences and agreements.

Relationships and structures

Open relationship. A relationship in which people may have relationships with others, normally separately and with their own agreements. See open relationships: what people who live them say.

Polyamory (poly). The practice of, belief in, or willingness to engage in consensual non-monogamy, typically in long-term, loving relationships with more than one person, according to the review cited.

Metamour. Your partner's partner. The concept appears in research: a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior (2021) found that the degree of contact with metamours explained part of the differences in satisfaction between styles of consensual non-monogamy.

Mononormativity. The socially dominant idea that monogamy is the only valid form of relationship. A paper in Archives of Sexual Behavior (2024) linked it to stigma and to internalised negativity toward consensual non-monogamy.

Third-person dynamics

Unicorn. A person, often a bisexual woman, who agrees to an encounter with an established couple as the third person. The term can be problematic if used as a label for a "prize" or a "rare object": the person has their own limits and desires. See unicorn hunting: a respectful guide for couples and how to be a unicorn. "Unicorn hunting" describes actively looking for such a person; do it respectfully.

Guest / third person. A neutral term for anyone who joins a couple's encounter. Guides on the MFM threesome and the FFM threesome.

Bull. In slang, a man with whom a couple (normally a hotwife and her partner) agrees an encounter. Used mostly in the context of hotwifing. It is a term of usage, not a status: the respect and communication owed are the same as for anyone else.

Hotwife. A woman in a stable relationship who, with her partner's knowledge and explicit agreement, has encounters with other people. The focus is usually on her experience and the couple's complicity. See hotwife meaning: what it is, what it isn't and hotwife etiquette.

Cuckold. A man in a stable relationship who, by agreement of both, is happy that his partner has encounters with other people. There are different versions; some incorporate role play or power play, which is acceptable only if agreed, with clear limits and a real ability to stop. See cuckold meaning, consent, myths and vocabulary and cuckold relationship agreements.

Cuckquean. The female counterpart: a woman whose partner, by agreement, has encounters with other people. Less frequent in everyday vocabulary.

Compersion. Joy at your partner's happiness with someone else; in a sense the opposite of jealousy. It can be cultivated, not demanded. See hotwife, jealousy and compersion: what studies show.

Symbiosexuality. A term used in research for attraction to established couples (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2025). It covers the experiences of people with a specific interest in relating to couples.

Orientation and desire

Bisexual. Attraction to more than one gender. Bi-curious: curiosity about people of a gender other than the usual one. Neither is a synonym for "phase" or "indecision". See bi-curiosity in a couple.

Sexual fluidity. The idea that attraction or identity can vary over time; researchers note it can be measured in several ways that do not coincide with each other (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2020).

Spaces and rules

Playroom. A reserved room in a club for intimacy between adults who want it, always under rules.

Veto. One partner's right to reject a person or activity without explanation.

Pause word. An agreed signal to stop or slow down without explanation.

Dress code. A venue's clothing rules. What to wear and avoid.

Consent. An explicit, free, informed yes, revocable at any moment. Consent, boundaries and signals.

Safer sex. Practices to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. The WHO notes that many infections cause no symptoms and that safe vaccines exist for hepatitis B and HPV. See the testing calendar for open couples and sexual health in the lifestyle.

Terms to use with care

• "Unicorn" and "bull" can feel objectifying when used out of context. When you speak to a person, use their name and respect their choice of vocabulary.
• "Cuckold" carries heavy cultural weight and is easily read by another person as mockery. Those who use it for themselves do so by choice; it is not an insult to apply to anyone.
• "Humiliation" as role play is acceptable only with explicit agreement, clear limits and the possibility of stopping at any moment. At BarSwinger we do not publish degrading humiliation or coercion content.

Frequently asked questions

Are hotwife and swinger the same? No: swinging is normally lived as a couple in the same space; hotwifing focuses on her experience with her partner's knowledge.

What does "being poly" mean? That you have or accept loving relationships with more than one person, consensually.

Is a unicorn always a woman? In common use, yes; but there are male unicorns and unicorns of other genders, and the term applies to any third person joining a couple.

Do the terms mean the same in every country? No: they vary by country and venue. The glossary by country and the lifestyle glossary help.

Do I have to learn all this? No. Asking "what do you mean by that?" is always a good option.

Sources consulted

• Journal of Sex Research (2015), "Consensual Nonmonogamy: Psychological Well-Being and Relationship Quality Correlates" (PubMed 25189189).
• Archives of Sexual Behavior (2021), "Are there 'Better' and 'Worse' Ways to be Consensually Non-Monogamous (CNM)?" (PubMed 34100142).
• Archives of Sexual Behavior (2024), "Examining the Role of Mononormative Beliefs, Stigma, and Internalized Consensual Non-Monogamy Negativity for Dehumanization" (PubMed 38182813).
• Archives of Sexual Behavior (2025), "'My First Threesome with Them Was a Religious Experience': A Mixed-Methods Study of Symbiosexual Experiences" (PubMed 39984791).
• Archives of Sexual Behavior (2020), "Who Counts as Sexually Fluid?" (PubMed 31820189).
• World Health Organization, fact sheet "Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)".

The definitions of hotwife, bull, cuckold, unicorn, soft and full swap are scene vocabulary, not scientific definitions.

Sources consulted: 8 November 2026. Non-explicit 18+ content, informational only.