Cuckolding Fantasy Research: What 4,175 Americans Reported

Is cuckolding a fringe interest, or a common fantasy? The honest answer depends on what you count. A fantasy is not a behaviour, and a survey of fantasies says nothing about how many couples actually try anything. Still, the numbers are a useful corrective to the assumption that the topic is rare, shameful or a sign that something is wrong with a relationship. This explainer walks through the data we could read, and is careful about what it cannot tell us.

The big fantasy survey

The most cited figures come from Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist who runs the Sex and Psychology blog. In Justin Lehmiller, Sex and Psychology: "How Many Women Fantasize About Cuckolding?", he reports on a survey of 4,175 Americans about their sexual fantasies. He splits cuckolding into two kinds: voyeuristic (watching a partner with someone else) and exhibitionistic (a partner watching you). Here are the shares in each group who said they had ever fantasised about each type, as reported there:

He also notes that women were more likely to fantasise about the exhibitionistic version, while men were more likely to fantasise about the voyeuristic one, and that 24% of heterosexual men said they often fantasise about the voyeuristic version, compared with 12% for the exhibitionistic version.

How to read these numbers

Be cautious. These are self-reported fantasies in a survey of people who chose to take part, and the figures come from a blog post about the author's own survey rather than from a single peer-reviewed paper that we could open. We cannot say how representative they are, and the sample comes from one country. What they do suggest is that people of every gender and orientation report this fantasy. They do not suggest that this proportion of people want to act on it.

That distinction matters. Plenty of people enjoy a fantasy precisely because it stays a fantasy. Wanting it to be real is a separate step, and one that requires every person involved to say yes.

Research on gay men's cuckolding fantasies

A separate paper, "The Psychology of Gay Men's Cuckolding Fantasies", by Lehmiller, David Ley and Dan Savage, appeared in Archives of Sexual Behavior (the Wikipedia article on the topic cites it as 2018). The search summary we obtained describes a sample of 580 predominantly gay-identified men and reports that interracial and BDSM themes seemed less common in these fantasies than in heterosexual men's. We could not open the journal page itself, so we treat these details as a pointer to the paper, not a substitute for it.

Where the word comes from, and why it matters

The numbers sit alongside a long cultural history. Wikipedia, "Cuckold" traces the word to the cuckoo and says English use dates to around 1250. For centuries the word meant a man who was betrayed and laughed at. The consensual version reverses the script: the "cuckold" knows, agrees and, often, is the one who suggested it. The same entry observes that the fantasy fails if the person is humiliated against their will. That is also the BarSwinger editorial line: consent is the entire point.

The entry also says that some psychologists classify the fetish as a form of masochism, linked to a humiliation dynamic. That is one framing among others, and not all couples relate to it. Many focus on trust, shared excitement or feeling happy for a partner, which brings us to compersion.

Jealousy and compersion in the data

A study by Mogilski and colleagues, summarised by PsyPost summary of Mogilski et al., Archives of Sexual Behavior, compared 529 monogamous and 159 consensually non-monogamous adults. The non-monogamous group reported less distress at imagined partner involvement, scored higher on cognitive jealousy (suspicion and worry about rivals), and said they handled jealousy by negotiating boundaries and cultivating compersion. The study is not about cuckolding specifically, and the authors list limits, including that it cannot show cause and effect. Our practical piece on jealousy and compersion turns this into tools.

What the data cannot tell you

• How many couples actually act on the fantasy.
• How they feel about it afterwards.
• Whether it is good for your relationship.

For that, you need honest conversation and, where useful, a qualified therapist. Start with the meaning and myths guide and the guide to agreements and check-ins. If you want to hear people talk about the wider lifestyle in their own words, our myths and realities piece is a good next read.

Take-aways

1. The fantasy is reported across genders and orientations in the survey we read.
2. Fantasy and behaviour are different; neither obliges anything.
3. Consent, honesty and the right to stop define the consensual version.
4. If it brings fear, pressure or humiliation nobody asked for, it is not consensual non-monogamy, and the right step is to stop.

FAQ

Is cuckolding common? The fantasy is commonly reported in the survey above. The behaviour is much harder to measure, and we found no figure we can cite.

Do women have this fantasy too? Yes, according to the survey, with a stronger lean toward the exhibitionistic form.

Who is behind the data? Lehmiller is a social psychologist; his blog post and the study summaries are linked below so you can judge them yourself.

Sources (consulted 7 November 2026)

• Justin Lehmiller, Sex and Psychology: "How Many Women Fantasize About Cuckolding?"
• PsyPost summary of Mogilski et al., Archives of Sexual Behavior
• Wikipedia, "Cuckold"

This article is educational and for adults. It is not medical, legal or psychological advice.